Welcome to franchise-opportunities, the franchise consulting website where dreams, spreadsheets, and passive-aggressive email follow-ups come true. Please read these Terms of Service (“Terms”, “TOS”, “Sacred Texts”) carefully before using our website, services, or emailing us memes with subject lines like “Just following up!”
By accessing this site, you agree to these terms. If you do not agree, please consult your nearest lawyer or just close the tab while muttering something about “corporate overreach.”
1. Franchise Advice Disclaimer
We are not responsible for you falling in love with a hot dog franchise only to realize you’re vegan. While we provide deeply insightful, data-driven franchise guidance (with occasional spice), your final business decisions are, shockingly, your own.
We guide. You decide. If you open a llama-themed ice cream shop and it flops, please don’t blame us—or the llamas.
2. User Conduct
You agree to:
- Ask smart questions (or at least funny ones).
- Refrain from sending us 47-part email chains about “revolutionizing yogurt franchising.”
- Not impersonate a franchise brand unless it’s part of an elaborate prank, in which case we expect video evidence.
3. Services Offered (But Not Guaranteed to Make You a Billionaire)
We offer:
- Franchise matchmaking (kind of like Tinder for entrepreneurs).
- Business strategy that doesn’t require a whiteboard or buzzwords like “synergy.”
- Occasional emotional support when you’re on your 4th coffee and wondering what an FDD is.
We do not offer:
- Free hugs (unless we meet at a franchise expo and the vibe is right).
- Psychic readings about your franchise’s future (yet).
4. No Franchise Shenanigans
You promise not to:
- Use our advice to start a criminal enterprise disguised as a smoothie stand.
- Pretend to be a franchise expert at dinner parties using our content as your own.
- Name your LLC something deeply offensive to pun lovers. (Looking at you, “Grill & Thrillz, LLC.”)
5. Money Stuff
You might pay us. We might charge you. If you ghost us after a consultation, we reserve the right to call you out gently in our newsletter (first name only… probably). All fees are final, unless you ask very nicely or bribe us with tacos.
6. Limitation of Liability (aka Don’t Sue Us Please)
We are not liable for:
- You buying a franchise from your cousin Tony who once “almost made it” with a pyramid scheme.
- Your decision to paint your business neon orange because “it’ll stand out.”
- Any attempt to franchise your dog’s Instagram account.
7. Termination (Dun Dun Dun)
We can terminate your access to our services at any time, especially if you:
- Are a bot pretending to be a billionaire.
- Spam us with AI-generated haikus about car washes.
- Try to pay us in expired coupons.
8. Contact Us
If you have questions, want a consultation, or need emotional support after reading Item #6, contact us at [Insert your email]. We respond to emails faster than your favorite fast-food chain can melt a milkshake.
By continuing to browse this site, you agree to everything above and probably more stuff we forgot to add because legal is on lunch break.